I'm Not Supposed To Be Here

I feel displaced. Well, I can't say that for sure. In a way it seems like it's the world that's displaced, like I know where I'm supposed to be and I know what people I should be around and what I should be doing with my life and in a way I am but in a way I'm also not. I just feel like, I don't know, like I'm where I was supposed to be yesterday but I'm not where I should be today. I can appreciate how all that I've experienced has made me and shaped me into this better, smarter, stronger, overall well rounded person but at the same time I also feel like it's time to move forward except I also feel as if I either don't know where to go, or really not so much that as I don't know how to get there. Some days it seems as if I'm just walking and walking, trying to get somewhere, and whenever I stop to look and see how far I've come lately, it's like all I did was end up back at the place I last set out from. I pray about it. I ask God, "Am I still supposed to be here?" Because I don't feel like I am. But then again is that feeling I have my own ignorance or hubris or am I intended to move forward. It's just so hard because I feel in my heart like I'm supposed to be moving forward and then I end up always back to the same place. I pray for answers and it always seems like the ones I get are the ones I'm incapable of accomplishing no matter how much I want to. And then I get frustrated and at times even a little angry; at people, at situations, at myself. I just want to feel right again. I want to feel like I'm where I'm supposed to be and doing what I'm supposed to be doing. I just wish I knew either what or how. I always talk about how my heart and my mind are always in disagreement. I get to a place where I can't decide which to listen to. All I can do is hope and pray for answers and to try to have a little more faith. I think that's a weak point of mine. Faith. Lately I'm discouraged too easily and I worry rather than have faith. I pray more for help than I do in thanks and praise. I suppose that's something new to think about. No. Not just to think about but to take action to remedy. They say the first steps are always the hardest. I suppose that's true when your walk is weighed down by a heavy heart.